"Attention shoppers: We are currently hiring Jenga players..."
"Yippee!!! Huh? What's this 'online shopping' invention you speak of?"
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
CIBC Hires Incompetent Psychic to Predict Deaths of Their Customers
Unlike most of the 'tongue in cheek' stories written for BrushingOff.com, this is actually based on a REAL story. This happened to someone in our own BrushingOff.com family. Shame on you CIBC!!
CIBC, also known as the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce may seriously want to consider changing their acronym to Cannibals Ingesting the Bodies of Customers in the wake of their latest public relations nightmare. After realizing that customers wanted nothing to do with them, CIBC decided to attempt to cash in on the dead and dying.
Their most recent sickening display involved a 76 year old stroke victim in Ontario. The man had recently been admitted to a nursing home. His wife arrived home one day from the palliative care unit and was greeted by a letter from CIBC which was addressed to "the estate" of her husband and also requested a copy of his will. However CIBC didn't anticipate one little thing. The man was still ALIVE!! Not only that, but his account was up to date and his monthly payments were being made in a timely manner. In fact, there really should have been no way that CIBC would have even been aware their customer had been ill. Based on this information, we can only conclude that CIBC has hired an incompetent psychic to prey upon the elderly and infirmed.
When asked for a comment, a BrushingOff.com staff member exclaimed "I had heard that CIBC was a heartless company but I had no idea that they would pick at the bones of their customers like hungry vultures!" Even the strange guy that hangs around the local high school shook his head and exclaimed "CIBC is the lowest of the low. At least my victims get a lollipop."
Their most recent sickening display involved a 76 year old stroke victim in Ontario. The man had recently been admitted to a nursing home. His wife arrived home one day from the palliative care unit and was greeted by a letter from CIBC which was addressed to "the estate" of her husband and also requested a copy of his will. However CIBC didn't anticipate one little thing. The man was still ALIVE!! Not only that, but his account was up to date and his monthly payments were being made in a timely manner. In fact, there really should have been no way that CIBC would have even been aware their customer had been ill. Based on this information, we can only conclude that CIBC has hired an incompetent psychic to prey upon the elderly and infirmed.
When asked for a comment, a BrushingOff.com staff member exclaimed "I had heard that CIBC was a heartless company but I had no idea that they would pick at the bones of their customers like hungry vultures!" Even the strange guy that hangs around the local high school shook his head and exclaimed "CIBC is the lowest of the low. At least my victims get a lollipop."
The man's son telephoned CIBC immediately and was told that the collections department was attending a devil worshiping seminar (this has yet to be confirmed). 3 weeks later, another letter arrived, again asking for a copy of the man's will. Although a credit card company is entitled to a copy of a Death Certificate, they have no legal right to request a copy of a customer's Last Will & Testament. Nice try, CIBC! It is still a mystery as to how CIBC was even aware that the elderly gentleman was ill. Once again, we can only assume the following:
1. CIBC used the money they make from their exorbitant interest fees to hire undercover janitors to scour nursing homes & emergency rooms.
2. CIBC hired former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford as their new Public Relations Manager. He quickly fell asleep at his desk and farted loudly.
3. ANUJ VOHRA from the CIBC Client Account Management Team met the step-cousin of the Long Island Medium and asked her to predict the deaths of CIBC's customers. Anuj's hope was that this would enable CIBC beat other creditors to the punch. Sadly, the psychic also failed to warn Anuj Vohra that his job would soon be in jeopardy for being such a moron.
3. ANUJ VOHRA from the CIBC Client Account Management Team met the step-cousin of the Long Island Medium and asked her to predict the deaths of CIBC's customers. Anuj's hope was that this would enable CIBC beat other creditors to the punch. Sadly, the psychic also failed to warn Anuj Vohra that his job would soon be in jeopardy for being such a moron.
Monday, May 5, 2014
What The Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Doesn't Want You To Know!
He has come a long way since DNA tests confirmed that Larry Birkhead was in fact the biological father of the Late Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannie-Lynn. Birkhead finally revealed this morning, something that many had suspected years ago. He admitted that in his attempt to keep the ghost of Anna Nicole from seizing their love child, he had in fact super-glued himself to Dannie-Lynn on several occasions. Mr. Birkhead, who was voted "Can't Look Bad In Any Photo" while in high school, agreed to go through these moments with us.....
"It started when Dannie-Lynn was still a baby. I had immediate regrets and initially tried to SHAKE her off my hand. No luck"
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| "After a few years, we both got quite used to the moments that we were glued together." |
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| "Oh man, how am I going to explain this one to Anna Nicole's vengeful ghost?"
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