Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Monday, June 27, 2016
Hang In There, Freakish Teens! You Might Be Famous One Day & Then All The Weird Stuff You Do Will Be Considered Eccentric!
Oh man, looks like I lost the 'there's no way Lil Jon was ever homelier than he is now' bet.
Missing Man Turns Out to be Complete Asshole!
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| McCarville in happier times. |
Acquaintances of local Nissan Dealer, Heinrich McCarville gathered in Ontario yesterday to celebrate the scam artist car salesman's sudden disappearance. It is widely assumed that McCarville may have succumbed to neck injuries he suffered while attempting to flirt with his own reflection at a local bondage bar. Unlike 99.9% of people interviewed when a local citizen vanishes, those who knew McCarville through his Nissan dealership, all seemed to echo the same sentiments. "He was a loud guy. Never kept to himself. Always left the house. We'll get over this very easily. He won't be missed."
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Summer Has Arrived! I Am Officially Removing the Ice Scraper from My Car!
"Henry, the next time we call the MBNA Travel Rewards Program, I'LL do the talking!"
Yee-Haw! The Weekend! Thousands Rejoice at Opportunity to Watch YouTube Kitten Videos at Home Instead of at Office!
"What a week! I just wanna get home & relax..."
Just Another Day at the Local Mall...
"You're disgusting they said. You're unsanitary they said.
I'll show 'em! I'm gonna be the best Mop Boy that Filthy Stan's Waffle House has ever seen!"
"Just be cool dude. Be cool And don't forget my Triple Whopper & gravy fries!"
"Sorry Mom, it was between getting you a wheelchair & getting this great deal on Coke!"
"Sorry, we no have cheeseburger. You want buy these t-shirt? Gold ring? Deal just for you."
"Playin' with the queen of hearts, knowin' it ain't really smart. Joker ain't the only fooool..."
"Dear Dad: You were right. I am blend in right good at new school.
America rocks apple pie baseball happy fun times!"
"Maybe if I lean on this bin of shower curtains, I'll look a little classier. Yep, it's workin'..."
Whew! You just saved yourself $50!! Happy Weekend!
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